These past few weeks had a huge impact on me, as a lot of personal things have taken place that distracted me from working completely. I put my project aside for a while completely, not focusing on it at all, because it made me feel very panicked and disappointed. I tried to focus on my mental well being and on hoping to come back home safely. I'm currently isolating at home since the 2nd of April and I started to work again. I decided to take a few more days just to plan out what I'm going to do over the next few weeks, until, the 4th of May. 

Over these weeks, I did bits in my sketchbook and started some drapes. These drapes didn't help the development in any way, as I felt that they didn't really make sense in the context of the project, so I decided to remake them when I'll restart my project. Even if I didn't feel like working on the FMP, I still wanted to be constantly creative, so I did the granny squares, which actually had such a great impact on my daily mood. Moreover, I started to experiment with some new crochet and knit techniques, which I will probably use for my samples.

This week ended up being a total disaster from all points of view, but especially creative wise. As my flatmate went home to Romania a week ago, and I started self isolating on the 14th, it's been a though few days, as I needed to get used to being by myself more than usual. Even though I used to live by myself for the past 2 years, this week has been very hard on my mental well being, as I am not used to spend so much in the house without any human contact whatsoever. I felt like I needed to take a step back from my FMP, because I didn't feel like concentrating on it as much as I normally would. That mostly happened because of how much the virus' evolution affected my possibility to access the workshops and other academic resources, which shook me pretty bad.

Even so, I decided to fill my time with other things, such as watching documentaries that I wanted to see for a long time and to improve my crochet skills. I challenged myself to do at least one granny square a day during this isolating period, so I can have a constant engaging with my creative side. Even though it is  way less than what I usually do, it helped me a lot to take my mind off what was going on.

As I was doing the squares, I came up with the idea of creating a workflow page where I document the crochet I will do over this period, to see how it evolves over time: from skills to new techniques and potential garments.

Over the weekend, the Coronavirus situation escalated very quickly, which made me take the decision to work from home for a while, from now on, as I don't want to put my neighbours at risk. It really got me thinking how to reschedule everything I planned already, so that I can go as little as I can to uni in these next days, so I decided to make a plan:

• Tuesday: finish the booklets
• Wednesday: go to the casting workshop; do the headpieces (Archway)
• Thursday: return books, buy art supplies (KX)

As his line up was approaching, Johannes needed a bit more help than usual, so I decided to work with him a bit more than regular this week. We managed to finish the last toilet and the finishing touches, as well as creating and putting together the most important fabric sample. Moreover, I also started to develop the crochet for the head pieces, as we started to make them.

Over the last few weeks, I've been lucky enough to work with Johannes more than before, and I got to know him better. Starting from the independent research week, when I helped him preparing his scholarship portfolio by doing small things so he can get it done exactly the way he wanted, we established a better connection which I think is the basis of all collaborations. Even if some of the things were not creative related, every bit helps. Moreover, having him asking me for opinions constantly made me more engaged in his project, and we established this idea of belonging to this beautiful thing: choosing fabrics, samples, accessories, scheduling the remaining months, experimenting with bio plastics and crochet techniques, discussing possibilities, flea market hunting, everything was very inclusive (and very brainstormed, also). Being able to find other people to help him as well and figuring out how to make it work was rewarding and challenging as the same time, as I realised how hard it is to keep your positivity and work with others when plans are cancelled constantly. This made me feel better about myself in a way, as I realised that I never cancel and I'm very reliable, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time, as I got to be Johannes' main helper and we worked almost every other day, and talked about the collection everyday. 

This particular week was a bit more intense, as I decided to take my time fully to help him. Being in the studios and seeing how fast everything was moving, how dense the tension was and how all over the place Johannes was so fascinating, as I got to see how my BA will be like. It also made me realise how much work and dedication goes into what we do, and how crucial it is that we unite to create something beautiful. Even though the tiredness kicked in at the end of these days, I was more than grateful that I was able to be a little part in Johannes' collection, in which I believe so, so much. 

As a conclusion to our collaboration so far, I highlighted a few key points that I constantly keep in mind:

• collaboration is a two way road, and we constantly need to help each other, no matter how difficult and stressful it might sometimes be 
• even though you help, try to value your time wisely and don't (always) neglect your personal projects
• when you are busy helping others, go all in and do your best; at the end of the day, both of you will gain something from it 
• keep on being reliable
• not everything you help with will be a creative practice, but even so, help is help and you shouldn't bail out just because you think it doesn't benefit you
• when you give, you shouldn't wait to receive; you will always receive when it's time for you to, and you shouldn't limit your help just because of that. 
• receiving is sometimes about creating a connection and empathy.

PROGRESS TUTORIAL WITH ALICE

Over the weekend, I started my booklets, but didn't get to finish them. I didn't feel like my project was at a point to be discussed with others, from my personal point of view. I usually don't like and I don't feel like it's useful for me to present something that doesn't link together yet, so in the tutorial, I rather explained my project and my plans for it than my visuals. I'm moving pretty slow, but even so, I'm not stressing about it, because I'm very conscious of how I'm planning out, and also of my ability of working and drawing very fast, which helps me a lot. Alice suggested that instead of waiting to get my lace curtains from Romania, I should look for some here, in charity shops, so I can speed up the process. Furthermore, she told me to start draping very early in the process, so I can allow myself to make mistakes, as well as creating larger scale samples to drape with. 

Overall, it was a good tutorial in terms of making me understand that even though the project is self directed, I should speed up my schedule and be more productive.

Oonagh gave me the opportunity to get involved in this creative workshop, where I went to teach people how to crochet. Even though it sounded a bit scary at first, because I wasn't very confident in my abilities to teach, I need up loving every part of it. 

I was quite anxious to do it, because Im not used to teach others and moreover, I'm left handed, which means that I crochet opposite from how it's normally done, thing that might be a bit tricky for others. When I arrived there, Joy warmly welcomed me and as I got to look around and see how she teaches others weaving, I found it very captivating to see how she started to develop herself after graduating from BA; somehow it made me think about my future a little. My panic went away as I was lucky enough to teach two left handed people crochet: Guy and Rafin. Guy is 9 years old and he impressed me not only with his interest in craftsmanship, but with his innovative creativity and willing to experiment crochet at such a young age; it reminded me of how I started to crochet, when I was taught by my mum when I was 12. From a small crochet sample, Guy managed to end up with a beautiful two-toned snake, on which he even added details. All by himself!

Rafin and Silvia were an absolute pleasure, to teach and to chat with. Both of them coming from the creative industry (Rafin studies fashion at LCF, while Silvia is a curator), we had some interesting conversations about our international backgrounds and it felt so empathic how we all ended up in London, united by art. 

As time passed by, I ended up leaving some 4 hours later, when the workshop was over, without even realising. It was an absolutely incredible experience that not only I will happily so it again, but it also proved my belief that what I do, and what we do in the creative industry, has the power to bring communities together and to create beautiful connections. 

Because I got very caught up in the research, I fell behind with starting my visuals. Even so, I prefer to take more time to actually understand what I want to express rather than just jumping into something that I'm not very sure of, and something that will fail to communicate well my ideas. I started to select the pictures for the garment documentation booklet, as well as the border marks that I will deconstruct and will use to create prints. 

After pitching the project with some new people, I realised that it might sound rather confusing, due to the fact that I couldn't explain it properly. Because I found a lot of great references for it, trying to puzzle them together seemed quite challenging, because I tried to make them all work together but some are clashing and they are not correlated at all. As the guys suggested, I will try to narrow it down to a simpler explanation, only referencing the key artists from my research. 

Having a dialogue with other people than the ones I usually ask for opinions facilitated my project, because It made me understand how important it is to create a strong narrative for my projects that everyone can understand, not only the people who know me and my ideas. Moreover, what was super interesting from this small group talk was to see what a wide range of subject we can approach, from fish and chips to socialist architecture. I was very impressed by Harry's project, as it felt very personal and had some sort of transparency and empathy in the visual communication.

Today I continued my garment documentation, adding some more references I found. Talking to mum and my grandma was very useful, as I wasn't sure that the uniform I was finding were the actual ones, and I believe that having a correct and well documented research is the base of a strong project. I also plan adding some personal picture as well, as I discovered that the inform I was wearing in my first 2 years of school was actually a communist one, the kind my mum used to wear when she was my age. That came to me a bit as a shock, as I was wearing it 18 years after Communism ended, but I believe that in a way It's helpful because I remember it very vividly, which will make my documentation more realistic. 

After gathering all this informations, I decided that my plan for the next week is to start 2 small books:

1. The print book, based on the deconstruction of border marks overlayed by pictures of lace, as a symbol of fragility and beading as well.

2. The garment documentation book, in which I will reproduce the front and back look of the uniforms I found, as well as technical drawings that will help me later in my drapings and development, bringing the rigid elements together with the soft drapes.

Because I felt that my research was lacking garment references, I thought that the best place to look for was in films and personal photos. Watching "The Graduates" today helped me get a closer look at the technical details of the communist high school uniforms, as I found it very difficult to visualise them clearly form the pictures I found. Moreover, it gave me some sort of an idea of the atmosphere from back in those days: the way they act, the feeling of the places they went to, the way they wear their uniforms and the kind of clothes they were wearing on their days off helps me see how communism was rather than how I've imagined It based on what my family's stories.

Talking to Magdalena about her practice helped me in creating a better connection with her, which facilitates my research. I showed her the proposal and she was a bit confused, as she didn't understand very well what part will she play in the project. She taught it is a bit vague, but once I explained it to her in more simplistic terms she said it was very clear. This made me think that perhaps, my project sound pretty vague because I used a lot of terms to describe it. I will try to think of a better way to present it. 

In the library, I researched Marina Abramovic and Ulay's practice, as a continuation of researching couples that work together in their artistic practice (after Magdalena and Bogdan Pelmus). I found some amazing references that relate to the body in space, which was my starting point. Moreover, the visual references will facilitate my development as they will outline very well the idea of fragility within rigidity. 

I looked a bit more into Marina's individual works and I found some very interesting pieces in which she uses different ways to communicate certain senses, but through alternatives. This made me realise that I should look more into ways of making my project inclusive, as I wanted from the beginning but I didn't do so far.

I felt a bit a stuck in what regards my architectural research, as I felt that using only buildings with repetitive patterns is kind of a huge cliche in terms of Eastern European architecture, and that's when I remembered about @bordermarksarchive, an Instagram account documenting the signs found when you entry a city in Romania. I started researching more and found so many interesting aspects in them that I will use in my drapings. Moreover, i really liked the shapes, and I decided to make a small print book based on deconstructing the shapes and creating new compositions which will give me a new perspective moving forward.

I looked a bit more into constructivist architecture, because I felt like I didn't find enough pictures the other day. Because I couldn't find any references on Romanian communist architecture, I decided to leave the library research aside and look through my personal archive to find some, but I then realised that all my pictures are on my old laptop and they wouldn't have been aesthetically good enough for what I envisioned. Then, it crossed my mind to ask my friends who shoot on film a lot, and most specifically Mircea and Mihai. As I've previously worked with Mircea (on illustrations), I knew that his photographs will fit perfectly with the project, from all points of view. Even more than just aesthetically, I was very happy to introduce their pictures in the project, as this will make it more like a collaborative piece where I gather and curate multiple visions into one.

I've managed to finish my proposal last night and now I feel like I can see a bit clearer where I'm heading to. The project pre-proposal that I wrote helped me a lot in terms of understanding every point that I'm trying to prove, and it made it way easier to narrow it down to its best form, which was the actual proposal. 

As it's my first day of research, I went to the library to look into architecture. I found it very hard to find any books on Romanian architectural monuments, which was a bit disappointing, but instead of just sticking to Romanian culture, I decided to look into other parts of Eastern Europe. I was lucky to find loads of references on Russian, Ukrainian and Georgian architecture, and I was very surprised to see how different they were from each other, but at the same time it was very visible that they are part of the same movement. This diversity helps me a lot to build a wide range of textural and shape-informative research. 

I felt very unproductive today, as my cold got a bit worse than it was, but I still managed to looked into a few books about architecture and I realised that I am more confused than I thought so I decided that instead of just looking randomly, I rather make a plan on what areas to research better and when. Even though in had a good knowledge of the concept, I wanted to deepen my knowledge into the matters I'm addressing to, to get out of my comfort zone of what I already knew about the artists I was referencing. I believe that this project is a way to discover my culture beyond the point I thought I knew it, because it is my greatest source of inspiration of all times. 

Today managed to finish my pre-proposal for the project, which helped me a lot in putting into place every information I had in my head. I started the project with a lot of confusion and difficulties in how I can express my ideas, as I had a lot of empty spots that needed to be filled in my research. Being able to look into matters that affected my country in the past and actually getting a chance to understand them helped me puzzle together all the informations that I needed to explain the project to myself. I decided that I will collaborate with Magdalena on the project, as she agreed, which makes me even more excited to start. Moreover, I will try to include more people in the project, so that it can be very open and collaborative.

MATERIALS AND FABRICS PROPOSAL

• embracing an environment positive approach, I will try my best to use as many reusable/vintage/repurposed materials as possible 
• for prints, I will use fabrics I bought at the second hand stores in Romania 
• for the sample book, I will make paper from all the scraps I have from the past projects (as I saved every bit from the portfolio building and sketchbooks)
• I will limit myself to only use natural sourced dyes (apart from printing)
• I will print on any kind of paper I have 
• When I buy new materials, I will try to use and reuse each and every piece of them.
• I will use materials that relate to the post communist culture (that try to show Eastern Europe's attempt to be in conformity with Western Europe)

ARTIST REFERENCES STARTING POINT

I will begin by looking into Magdalena and Bogdan Pelmus practice more deeply, to get a better understanding. I'm also challenging myself to research into mostly Eastern European artists, or artists whose work had a positive impact into depicting as raw as possible the essence of post communism.